I know its kind of soon to be expressing the way I feel
But nowadays it seems that I am finding it hard to deal
Ive been in love before-so for me its nothing new
But the way Im feeling got me thinking that maybe they werent true
My lifes story is a hard one, but you seem so understanding
Not like these other niggas who could be so damn demanding
Im sort of ashamed of my past-but I chose to open up to you
Wondering if in the end this will all be worth going thru
What you dont know is
Your girl was born into a world of 2nd chances SHE WAS
1 when she realized she had no father
2 when mommy struggled to be stronger
3 when she looked up to her siblings
And 4 when she learned that fairytales had no endings
5 when I started school
And 6 when mommy said I couldnt be no fool
7 when I became her lovers property
9 when I made the choice he couldnt have me any more that is
10 when she pulled her life together
And 11 when she knew it could get no better
12 when she took advantage of my body
And 13 when I fought with my sexuality
14 when I lost my virginity
And 15 when the streets took over me
She was 16 when her life almost ended
And damn near 17 when her heart was mended
Mended by the touch of the same sex; because I had nowhere to turn
So at17 when she let me go
Having love was what I yearned
18 when I needed to be happy
And that summer when I lost my baby
The one I knew would love me
And not care about my past
Mommy so sorry she lost you
I wish our relationship couldve last
Disadvantaged from not having a father I knew not wrong from right
So when he up and left me, I didnt put up a fight
I knew that I was trash
And only a good fuc
So when niggas came around
I knew what they would want
So my numbers increased
Not wanting to look in the mirror
Afraid of what I might see
Not the pretty face that everybody saw
But the desperation inside me
Many pill bottles devoured
And cuts across my wrist that I wouldnt let show
But Im still here in 08
It just wasnt my time to go
I was naive to life; taking every moment for granted
But now that I look, my life is so enchanted
You see I was
Valedictorian of the 8th grade, I was real smart back then
And I made it all the way thru high school without that many friends
I made my way to college
And started my life over
And then I met you, and you gave me your shoulder
A shoulder that I could cry on
Whenever I needed a hand
You say the sweetest things-I cant believe you understand
You make me so happy
Im scared I might push you away
Because Im falling so fast for you
You might not want to stay
You do so much for me
Without doing anything at all
And little do you know, you keep me standing tall
You are so caring and I feel obligated to please you
I see so much potential, thats why I hate the things you do
I feel that if I can help you in anyway
Then maybe I can slow you down
Thats why when we are together
I try to keep you around
I make sure that you are smiling
And never go without
So if theres something that you need
Ill do it without a doubt
Youre my first real valentine
And I dont expect anything for me
I know you never really loved before
So I hope I can be your first, eventually
This seems so good to be true
It just feels like a dream
A dream I dont want to wake from
A dream thats so serene
Thats why I worry about you
Because Id hate to see you go
Go away from school; from me
Just because you couldnt say no
But Ill wait around for you
Because I feel like this is it
Something that Ive always wanted
Something that I feel is meant
I tried to sum it all up for you
But Im sorry if I missed a part
You are really all I need
Im glad that you have my heart
Love,
Courtney, Your Girl
