Hiya,
you are relly good. I like the emotion painted throughout. I love the rhyme too..and this..well:
My crystal tears drop onto this earth
And make the sand an ocean
Swallows me up in tendrils of quicksand
In the remaining words you have spoken.
..It made me tingle!
Well done 5/5
Michael p.s I am going to add you to my favourites.