Comments : I can't

  • 16 years ago

    by Brittany C

    3rd stanza 3rd line
    "I can't wake in this nightmare"
    i think that u ment to say
    "I can't wake from this nightmare"
    still a nice poem...5/5 :D

  • 16 years ago

    by FlawlesslyTarnished

    In the first stanza, "explore" and "occur" should be past tense to flow with the rest of the piece. And in the last stanza, third line. "I can't hold anymore" Did you mean "I can't hold you anymore" ?

    And anyway. Besides those few grammar errors, this piece was beautiful. Sad, but beautiful nonetheless. I like the idea behind this piece and the wording was perfect. And I'd have to say that the fourth stanza was my favorite. ^_^ 5/5.

  • 16 years ago

    by Alexandraa

    Love it

  • 16 years ago

    by L0V3 Mi fAMilY

    It's a really good poem!
    It's written perfect w/ no errors!
    Good job!
    I liked it a lot!
    5/5

  • 16 years ago

    by Syn

    I think you need to work on youre suffixes

    Since that time I learned" to love you
    I can't hold you anymore
    Since that time I wanted to say I love you

    such a sad poem

    -Syn

  • 16 years ago

    by WrittenInTheStars

    The line "I can't wake in this nightmare" would make more sense if you changed it to "I can't wake from this nightmare." I think you need to work on your tenses too.. but other than that I was a great poem.

  • 16 years ago

    by Lizaveta

    Repetition makes this poem really melodic
    and what caught my attention was the road metaphor that you develop in the 1st and 2nd stanzas via saying:
    "I don't even see the road"
    "I can't see any traces"
    "I walked alone"
    this is a smart way to show your feelings of facing difficulties on the "road of life"
    anf in the next stanzas you go from telling things metaphorically (emmm i'm not sure this word exists lol) to talking about your feelings themselves , and you repeat "i love you" twice. this openess and and frankness really lightens your poem
    great wrrite again
    5/5

  • 16 years ago

    by Lemma

    This is really sweet and sad. I liked the last line but think it would have made more of an impact if you hadn't already mentioned the words "love you" in the same stanza. Perhaps there's a way you could replace the first mention with something else? Other than that, a really sweet write.

    Em xXx