The Beginning Of An End

The sunset is almost in the same place,
and it is almost at the quiet level I
remember.

You just can't deny how these kinds
of times make me not want to be alone,
even now there are problems,
thoughts of the past and how I left this
world for a week, was closed off for such
a long week, and no one ever had a clue.

It was the worst day I could ever remember,
but only for a few hours,
anything that could have destroyed my spirit did,
any way silently did, people who were the same,
even myself was a stranger to me, what could make
years of pain make feel right.

People don't understand what power they have,
when they don't notice, when they notice,
they can kill people, I'm guilty.

Any way I could, I tried to stop the pain to
rush out of the aura of hatred I felt,
nothing was good enough, obsessions,
fears were nothing, hatred instilled in me,
silence ever present.

I died such a long time ago, it was just the first
stage in making the step, it wasn't something
that just went away like a dream, it was my
friend, those who helped tried to evade me from
him, I made those people devil's, I showered them
with darkness, they saw nothing but a killer sitting
before them, I was their nightmare, I was my family's
black coffin that needed to be buried,
I was nothing that could be compared to a saint.

No one has any idea of being beaten,
of demoralization, emotional drain, strength gone,
you tell me that failure wouldn't make you
feel nothing, you never ever tell me that you have
had it bad, because hell was once a nice place
to visit, and it held onto me like a son,
Jesus wouldn't have accepted me, don't tell
me that at one time you had it as close or a
fraction as bad.

I lived that day, whether I knew my future or not,
I had no idea what I was about to do,
my life consisted of only a handful of things
I wasn't failing at, might as well continue on
through.

Maybe it was good I received those failing
grades, I was received the lowest of the low,
I got failing letters, and knew it was time.

I left, none of you noticed, no one knew,
I needed nothing, because where I was going
I would get nothing, only my coat to keep
me warm a little while longer.

I left, I walked out the doors, I never looked back,
it was so normal, I had no thoughts,
I left like it was the end of the day,
I got in my car like it was routine,
I left the music off, and it started to begin to
have effects of the end, and I had to accept how
everything seemed.

I went the same way out, I drove in a pattern that
no one would have noticed I was driving for
death, no accidents, this could not be prolonged.

I took my phone out for calls, meaningful calls,
I added in for the only time in years, feelings, and love,
appreciation, I gave my last words, but with
no indication, that they would never see me again.