#2

'BrokenREALiTy ( F P C D ) at 2008-03-26

Keep me in your thoughts and prayers,
`I feel like there should be another word in that line to make the beginning flow better.'

Maybe try this 'Keep me within your thoughts and prayers,' Thats adding another syllable without adding the extra word.

Also I thought the last line of the poem felt a bit forced to rhyme to me. Maybe try something a little different to rhyme. :)

Other than that. This poem was simple but so full of emotions and thought. I can see it came straight from the heart. :)