When Words Kill

Yet another great poem, yes words do kill

Good flow in this piece without forced rhyme. A perfect ending and a thought many of us can relate to. Excellent job!

Utterly flawless. This poem is an ideal example of the famous saying, "more is less."

Before I begin to indulge in over-analysing your poem, I wish to refer to your title, "when words kill." What a poignant title! Words, as we poets know, have more power than they are given credit. Although words cannot physically kill, they can emotionally devastate a person. I knew immediately that you poem was directed in this manner and thus was instantly curious. Fantastic choice of title.

Reading through every line in your poem, I am forced to note each word because every single one of them has strong imagery and is full of emotions.

"You beat me down
To the ground
But did not raise a fist"

This first stanza, which is actually just a sentence, is extremely powerful. The reader is at once aware that this poem will be true to it's title. "you did not raise a fist." One can only begin to imagine the ordeal you character has experienced. One is left even with a slight fear for your character. And at this point one questions, can it truly be express in such few words? The poem seems short.

"I seemed to choke
On every note
Your voice would not subsist"

This second piece begins to answer my question. As a reader, I do not need to know what he/she said. The pain you describe suffices.

"A bitter rage
I watched you rave
And smile as I broke

You loved the hurt
That every word
Seemed to now evoke"

Here the reader can feel how anger is growing within you. The crimes to your character are unimaginable. Not only is this person hurting your character, they are enjoying it! Preposterous! Crimes against the heart!

"Laying here
Upon the floor
I swore I'd never rise

Wishing
It had been your hand
That offered me demise"

Here I feel your character does not know what will be of them. They do not see the end of suffering and conclude that at least physical abuse and eventually murder would have been a better result. How powerful, how very terrifying!!

"The hurtful sting
The sour drink
I took from those sweet lips"

I had to re-read this over as the imagery is extremely challenging, more to the heart than to the mind. This person who has caused your character such hurt was once someone dearly loved. The way you describe their kiss is extremely dark. I love it.

"My beating heart
Can now remark
And move on from the pain

I'd never wish
To make another
Feel that way again "

Beautiful way of ending the poem. On a note of hope and survival.

I truly enjoyed this poem and I repeat. It is truly flawless.

Please have a read over my poem "Rape" as it is somewhat similar in the describing of an inhumane pain. I look forward to your comment.

Natalie.

I love the title "When Words Kill" and the way you introduce it perfectly in the opening stanza, it really clearly links the poem to its title without repeating it. Yay! I was almost cowering as I read this, it's actually really scary! I like the kind of self-reflection at the end as well, makes the character seem more real.

5/5

Em xXx

I really enjoyed your rhyme scheme. It was different. I've been wanting to try something different like this, but I don't know if I'm going to be able to do it.

You beat me down
To the ground
But did not raise a fist
^^ This stanza, I think, really goes well with the title. They used their words to beat the person down instead of their fist.

Wishing
It had been your hand
That offered me demise

^^ This is the only stanza I think threw off the flow. I think it's because there's only one word in the first line. Other than that, the flow was flawless.

The hurtful sting
The sour drink
I took from those sweet lips

^^ I really loved the word choice you used in this one. It just sent shivers down my spine.

You put a lot of emotion into such short lines, so little words. You are very talented for being about to do that. I haven't really read that many poems with short lines AND a lot of emotion. So, I give you big props for that! :]

Great poem!

Keep writing!
Cayce