Comments : Broken

  • 16 years ago

    by Poet on the Piano

    This is beautifully written and you do put a lot of emotion in it. Here are some suggestions:

    "It's been torn out veins still pumping,"
    It would make more sense if it was "It's been torn out of my veins still pumping,"

    "I just sit there close my eyes and weep."
    There should an and between there and close

    "Every dropp of blood pain strikes inside,"
    Dropp should be drop

    Otherwise, I think you put the poem together nicely. I'm thinking maybe it should have gone in the sad or lost relationship section, because your heart is broken. But that's just my opinion. Thanks for commenting on my poem, and have a Happy Easter!