Falling Away

You have used some really amazing word usage in this piece ....

- fluorescent colors fading to gray,
- Ambient melodies losing their way,
- eradication
- In the empty oblivion I've always known
- Tempting my insanity with their seduction
^^^
Loved these!

You have woven quite a creative piece here with quite the mind blowing imagery.

Three gunshots broke my concentration,
Then my heart suffered a penetration,
As I watched their faces fade to gray,
Causing my whole world to fall away...
^^^
Wow an ending I did not expect ...

The "my, my, my .... I, I, I " kind of threw it off a little but I tend to do that a lot too .... lol
Great read, your word usage is very impressive
Luanne

Wow...the words are soo deep! Keep it up=]

I almost cryed ive been in that room before thanx for writing this one was my first favorite...its very deep
could u read mine?
"Two parts of me one is with you"... and tell me what u think plz :D

I've watched the world falling away,
The fluorescent colors fading to gray,
Ambient melodies losing their way,
And the eradication of another day,

^^ I really loved how you rhymed all the lines in this stanza, it seemed to make it flow really well. It seems like in this stanza the whole world is just falling apart. I kind of get a mental picture from one of those movies like "The day after tomarrow" or "I am Legend" One where like the world is in shambles.

My father said something wrong,
My mother was never very strong,
My sister was slowly losing her mind,
And I was locked in my room, confined,

^^ Now this one brings me away from that thought. Now, I'm thinking about this house where the whole family either fights or ignores each other. They can't get along.

Distant voices vibrated my door,
I just couldn't handle it anymore,
I wished they would just disappear,
Although the wish was never sincere,

^^ You're locked in your room, scared, or annoyed. Your parents are fighting and you can hear them. You wish they'd just go away, but you really don't want that to happen, because you love them?

Then, miraculously, I've ended up alone,
In the empty oblivion I've always known,
Listening to the echoes of destruction,
Tempting my insanity with their seduction,

^^ Oooh. Something bad is happening here, but I don't know what yet. I really loved your word choice in this stanza, I think it's the best stanza so far, because it's so vivid, and it's a little mysterious.

Three gunshots broke my concentration,
Then my heart suffered a penetration,
As I watched their faces fade to gray,
Causing my whole world to fall away...

^^ Okay, now this was sad.. I think you could have put a little more emotion into it, because I'm not feeling as sad as I should be. I'm not sure who shot who either.. I really want to know for some read too. Grr, tell me? I want to knoooow.

This was a really great poem, well written, and I LOVED the topic.

Keep writing!
Cayce

Oh my this was truly amazing! The emotions were so deep and haunting that I got chills while reading this. Your choice of words here truly blew me away and I was left in awe. The flow was flawless and the thought behind it was real. You truly brought everything to life for me and I could clearly imagine everything clearly in my mind. The final stanza was flawless and a great way to end this amazing piece. Well done .. I truly enjoyed reading this dark and heartbreaking piece. *5/5*