Hey, I really did not get the first stanza, but I loved the other ones. Maybe you could expand that last part too! Keep writing!

Very powerful titole. i love it.

woah, i again good way with words,
teh rhyming scheme good.

didn't quite get it. i was impressed with it though

Wow...
This is very original, powerful from the beginning to the end. I like your choice of words and the structure of this piece. You created great flow, too along with remarkable imagery in each stanza.
Whole poem is effective and the metaphor that you used is truly creative and interesting.
Greatly done.