Breaking Point, The Final Assault

Wonderful. almost like an uncontrollable insanity.
my fav. line "strike holes in my vitals"
wonderful insight.

Thats it I[']ve done it
I[']ve pulled the final straw
I feel the sound of assault
Rattling in the floor boards

^^ This beginning is very intriguing. It caught me the moment I read it. It already had me feeling as though I was in for a exciting read. (But please use the apostrophe's in I've)

Sounds like the spray of gunfire
and I'm diving for cover
the flicker of your tongue
fires one cheap shot after another

^^ I love the way you use gunfire as a metaphor for harsh words. But you don't directly give it away. It makes the reader think. It's a very effective way to entice your reader.

a sudden pause as you take a breath
breaking up the spray, to reload
preparing to continue the degradation
of my ever-diminishing morale.

^^ Your word usage here was simply astonishing. And the concept of reloading and taking a breathe for more words (following the scheme) was brilliant.

the bullets burst through my cover
and strike holes in my vitals
Breathless, and gasping,
icy cold takes over

^^ Again, great imagery. And it hint's perfectly for your ending... Very effective way to set up a clincher.

As I fall to my knees,
life begins to trickles out,
A smile forms and I giggle to myself,
As the light begins to fade to black.

^^ The only problem is these last 4 lines. I feel the ending did not complete the poem. If you separate your poem like this, you can see that the ending is not a BANG! ending. It kind of peacefully falls out. Which isn't bad, but not what you want for this poem.

I really did like this poem. It was very well thought out, and very well-written. But I have to give it a 4 because of the ending.

Actually, Donnie Darko has been my favorite movie since I was 15 lol. In regards to the end, it all depends on what theme you take away from the poem. From my feedback on other sites: some people relate it to sibling abuse at a young age, some people take it as abuse from a significant other, and some as some deep evil entity in the mind. I didn't write the poem with the intention to match any particular one of these themes. I wrote it so that my reader would be able to interpret how he/she chooses to interpret. The poem is written is written from the first person point of view, but it isn't a first person poem in reality. It's not personal, just a message and a theme I wanted to display. The laughter is most feasibly taken away as the consummation of the narrators mind but it would be in respect to whichever theme you took away.

For one, it explained a bit more in depth than most other poems usually repeating the same theme that you seem to have here. You have unique descriptions such as, "the flicker of your tongue", "Rattling in the floorboards." and, "Strike holes in my vitals" BUt I don't know about the rest, with the ending it seemed like you were going through a Donnie Darko feel to the poem, don't know if you have ever seen that movie but at one point he laughs to himself much like the way your poem lines end. Is it that the amdness consumed the narrator of this poem? Also, you should use I at least once but not much more than that, from the first mention of the word, the audience can tell taht you are writing in first person point of view.