Thats so powerfully written you have expressed it amazingly. please write more x

This is a really long poem, and kinda lost me in the middle, but I really enjoyed it. Good job.

The quick pace and short lines help to soften the severity. The repetitive use of the word "the" distracts the readers eye by creating a flashing sign on the left hand side that says "ooh, look here". Try to rephrase some of the lines that begin with "the" to change the mood that gives.