Ug! When I first read through the title and the opening lines, I felt as though I were reading ANOTHER poem of self-harm that any child could have written. Alas, SURPRISE! I thought I would have been biased against this poem because of what I knew the subject matter to be, and because of your age, but you took something that nobody else did, find words to use that would give you a bit of depth to the poem. The problem is, that you will learn as you age, is that you should not use the word I more than once, we, as the reader, would know that after the first I that you are writing in first person. Your lines run long, they throw off your meter, free style if good but try and keep it in a patter of long and short if you can. What I loved was the words you used, "Estacy" "Essence" "Tolerate" and yes I probably spelt half of those wrong. |
"Don't touch me. I'll contaminate you." |
by Ixora
"I don't want anyone to put me back together again, I deserve to be shattered." |
Wow. This was long, but I could relate to it so much that I didn't even care. |
"It wasn't your fault" |
by David
This was excellent, your poems have improved so much! i loved how it flowed so easily. such a nice and easy read. well done. |