I'm trying

I'm screaming inside,
but my mouth is whispering.
And I always hide,
though I'm obvious to everything.

I'm trying so hard,
to make my life better.
it's many times a new start,
without going any further.

I'm really trying to look forward,
at least to something.
But most of the time I'm going backwards,
and my happiness is like nothing.

No one but me can figure this out,
Everyone else stopped trying.
Maybe it's pain i can't live without?
Maybe it's only when I'm too happy I'm crying?

But still, I'll always know,
that sadness suits me for real.
Happiness is something i show,
not something i feel.