What others see

Aaw,sad, but true for so many,5/5

Again great writes, i see there is alot inside you and i wish that someone come to see it clear one day keep write 5/5

Again, as an emotional piece this is intense because clearly you chose a theme and stuck with it and for all I know this could be true and that you are writing something really personal for yourself and sharing it with the world:

Now as a poem, once you establish that it's a first person narrative, more than one I is really not needed. Remember, "Don't poke an Eye with too many I's" and that means don't use too many that the word becomes overused and makes us as a reader sick with emotion.

YOu have too contrasting ideas, sad and then happy yet you didn't go into much detail to seperate the two. Like you could have gone into so much depth and then use a single line in the middle or at the end of both paragraphs to sort of interlock the two ideas? I hope that makes sense to you.

It amazes me how often we put on a fake smile for the world to see instead of showing the true pain we feel.

You have done a wonderful job painting the portrait of how we all hide behind our own mask.

I would love to see this go into a little more depth; maybe because I am venturing on hiding myself, but why are we hiding the truth from the world?

This piece actually reaches to every reader in some aspect. Every person has found themselves in this situation several times throughout life.

I like the reality of it. I like that it speaks to a large audience. Very well penned.

~~Sher

Damn that's depressing,but in a good way.You do a great job capturing the readers interest and keeping it.Awesome poem.