Comments : Memories

  • 16 years ago

    by Sherry Lynn

    Overall this poem is good. I see a few changes that I would make to help the flow and draw the reader in more.
    ****************************

    Staring down an empty hallway
    wondering what to do
    every move that i make
    brings back thoughts of you

    ^^
    try: every move that is made

    i cant sit in that spot anymore
    where the first time that we kissed
    i can remember we were so nervous
    we almost nearly missed
    ^^^
    Unable to sit in that spot
    and
    Able to remember how we were so nervous

    and the first time you said i love you
    you took me by surprise
    and that time we had a 'moment'
    where we looked into eachothers eyes
    ^^^
    Taken me by surprise
    that time we had a moment

    one day when you stop and think
    what have i done
    i hope your happy you gave it a chance
    we used to have so much fun
    ^^^
    Hopefully your happy we gave it a chance

    now that you have moved on
    and my life is standing still
    you know i've always loved you
    and i always will
    ^^^
    Life is standing still

    Ok... sorry about the nit picks, as I said overall it was good and the meaning that I got while reading this was full of love.

    ~~Sher

  • 16 years ago

    by J u l e s

    Sad poem but soo good <333