Just So You Know

2/5. I know you can do better than this. This is simply so typical... I encountered absolutely nothing new in this poem. It's a bit disheartening because you can do so much more with this subject. Understand that I'm not criticizing you, but this particular work. Perhaps you could create some new and interesting phrases with some more complex vocabulary that could make this poem stand out.

Hopefully you don't take offense at this comment. By now you're probably way past this, since you submitted this months ago. Everybody writes this kind of poem at some point; the key is getting past this stage and moving on to bigger and better things, which I know you've done after reading "Crushed Petals."

I'd appreciate feedback on "Lonely", "I'm Going to Try", and "Demons and Angels". Happy reading!

Very simple, but likeable non the less.
I think the length was perfect.
I enjoyed reading the simple lines, as much as I would enjoy reading a deeper worded poem with the same concept.
either way the concept is writtable, and enjoyable to read:)

5/5

x Paula.

Hold me close and tight
please never ever let go.
I really need you to night
I love you so.

- I think that you can do MUCH better with the first stanza, it makes me want to stop reading instead of continuing on. I think a way you can make it hook the reader instead of the opposite is...

[Hold me close,
hold me tight.
Never, ever let me go -
I really need you,
I need you tonight.]

** I know you probably wanted 'love' in there, but need is a more passionate description of love.

Look at me
cant you see.
You have my heart
and you own me soul.

[Look at me me,
can't you see ...
You have my heart,
you own my soul.]
- Changes to the last line, which is to help with the flow. Along with me = my.

A life with out you
is not worth living at all.
[ A life WITHOUT you,
isn't worth living at all]
- With out = without. And, I think the last line had too many syllables that messed with the flow. Even though is not is more powerful, isn't is better with the flow. you want it to go well and the stanza is powerful enough without the separation.

Just you my one love.
[Just you ... my only love.]
- only = 2 syllables one = 1 syllable. huge difference there.

I just thought you should know.
[ I just thought THAT you should know.]

- Sounds more concrete for an ending.

Good poem, with GREAT potential. You tend to do that though. I'm not saying that you don't, but it's almost as if you don't put enough time into the simple editing. You've great structure and everything a poem needs... except the tiny things that make a big difference. Sometimes though, you know there needs work and / or you just don't see what needs fixed.

Hold me close and tight
please never ever let go.
I really need you to night
I love you so.
^^ very cute and emotional opening i think that is the perfect way to open a poem!

Look at me
cant you see.
You have my heart
and you own me soul.
^^ it should be "my" soul !!

Never leave me
promise you wont go.
A life with out you
is not worth living at all.
^^this shows how much that person really does mean to you !

Just so you know
I want you for life.
No other man will do.
Just you my one love.
^^ this shows that you are sincere and that you aren't just loving him cause its in the moment

I just thought you should know.

^^ this seems like an understatement! but is a great way to end the poem!

Overall very good! you do a great job with free verse! 5/5

I like the opening line, it sets the mood for the rest of the poem. The third line should read "I really need you TONIGHT.

The second stanza is very short and doesn't really have a lot of meaning to me. Can't needs an apostrophe in it and there should be a question mark instead of a period. The last line should read MY instead of ME soul.

The next stanza, again, has a missing apostrophe in won't.

I like the last line a lot. Its like your actually saying it out loud to your partner.

I found that when I started reading other poets works, I improved a lot in my writing. Poetry is not easy, not by a long shot. I think you have a good basis to work on, but need that little extra WOW-ness to be better.

Keep it up, great writing comes with experience.