Love the use of bigger words, it makes the poem so much more effective for i get sick of reading the same words over and over
it was well written and flowed nicely
but to me it didnt keep my attention while i was reading so 4/5

Where to begin? This poem was amazing. The beginning had me a little... intrigued. Then the flow picked it up and took off and it was just becoming an enjoyable read. Then it seemed to change pace slightly again... and ended with a nice twist. Not a major twist but something not expected from the start of this poem. I have to agree the length was a little bit much, but the pace change had me. I personally give this a 5/5.

Wow, great poem. It's sad, but expressed so well. And there's something about the last line, "I miss you," that's so abrupt and honest because it seems somewhat separate from the rest. Great words and nice flow. 5/5

"He's trapped, a prisoner of his own thoughts
And I'm trying to visit him there to free the rot,
To hear him laugh, to get him back, because
I miss him, But I was stopped by babbling jaws"
^^^
[Alright. Let's tear this down.
The beginning isn't too bad, but I believe it should grab the attention a little more. Not too bad, though. The second line and the first don't rhyme perfectly, and I just don't like the word "rots" or even the way you worded the second line.
As for the third and fourth lines, I do like those. Why? I like them because they're more unique than the first two lines and shove in great descriptions; "babbling jaws". Nice.]
"I tried to slip in, but I didn't fit through the cracks
I tried to break in but I was pushed right out the back"
^^^
[Yiiiikes. Bad rhyming, cliche words, no good..]

"Out on the street, frustration builds and I'm pissed
I beg to be let in, I don't care about the guest list!
HE needs help before he drops passed the insanity level
loses control, and releases himself to the Devil"
^^^
[Again, like I said on the last poem I commented; you're making it too personal. I don't seriously don't want to know what's going on, I want to be able to picture it myself by your description. I do not like these lines at all.]

"Then I heard, It was all over the headlines
Seems he took it too far and crossed the line"
^^^
[Double rhyming - "headLINES and LINE"... Not catchy at all.]

"I knew of his problems but denied the severity
He'd been lost in a world lacking prosperity"
^^^
[Now here I really liked these lines.
I liked them because you're not exactly telling me what's going on, but you're telling me something is.. I like being able to make up my own imagery. As for the rhyming, it's great, because it's not cliche and it works very well together. Nicely done.]

"So I sit back, take a shot and let it all hit me
The signs were there, but I wasn't able to see"
^^^
[Cliche rhyming, again.]

"The desperation he held under his breath
I break down, tears fall, and I'm breaking a sweat"
^^^
[You broke the rhyme scheme here, again.."

"Self medicate with bourbon, searching for a drunken shelter
Where regrets and emotion are gone, and I won't remember"
^^^
[Hm. I'm not sure how I feel about these two lines. You see, you worded them very creatively, but I'm not sure how I like the word "drunken"; it seems to throw off everything.]

"Now I wander from place to place, not really living
But traveling from light to dark, constantly missing"
^^^
[Rhyme scheme break.]

"Lost from loss, trapped from sunrise to sunset
This moonshine hasn't got me quite drunk yet"
^^^
[Ohhh. I love this second line..
oh.
Never mind. :/. I just reread it and it says "moonshine -the alcohol-" not "moon". Since you're already talking about the sunrise and sunset, you /could/ change moonshine to moon and it'd be a beautifully written line.. That's only a suggestoin, though.]

"and my tongue is wet for that lunar eclipse"
^^^
[and the previous comment --- this line would then fit perfectly.]

"Searching for the pat on the back of a substance fix
"I'm okay, No, no, I'm fine. Get your hand off my ****ing back!"
This is too much, I'm out, I can't cope without tripping in cracks."
^^^
[Mmm. You get me going and you let me down. I love, love, love the first line; it's creative and very well written. I dislike the second line a lot, though. It's too cliche, it's too personal.. and it doesn't rhyme. The third lines not too bad; I like the part after the comma.]

"Douse myself in pity, and stay up for days, lacking rest
It's unhealthy but I won't help myself, I'm hopeless"
^^^
[Alright. Not too great of rhyming here, but I do line these lines. I like the idea of "dousing myself in pity" and "I won't help myself"... It's a nice touch, and very emotionally portrayed.]

"If I could take it back, I would change it all
If only I would have taken the time to call"
^^^
[Cliche rhymimg..]

"I would have taught you to live without
The control of self-evaluating thoughts"
^^^
[Not even rhyming... However, I like the point behind these lines.]

"But the past's the past and it won't change
Even if it haunts me and leaves me deranged"
^^^
[I really dislike the word "deranged". It feels like you forced it in there for the rhyme.]

"I'll take the blame, and relinquish the doubt
I wish, I could've brought you the alternate route"
^^^
[I like the rhyming here, though. It's a different taste to put those two words together.]

"But I can't, so, I'll sit back, and wish you were here
Celebrate your life, and just to make myself clear
I miss you. "
^^^
[I don't really like the first two lines, but I do think they fit with the third line.. And that third line is a wonderful way to end the poem.]

Overall, not too bad.. You broke rhyme scheme quit a bit, or you had cliche rhyming. The flow wasn't too bad, but the writing was on the cliche side; in my opinion, you should write in detail such that it gives you a picture that you can mold yourself instead of painting it for everyone. Does that make sense?
Nonetheless, not too, too bad.]

xTheEcstasyofSuicidex 3.5

Haha, I don't care if it's cliche... it's good. The flow was alright and the word usage was excellent. The concept itself was very interesting and I enjoyed reading it... 5/5

This really reminds me of the times I have fell into the pit I would have pulled someone out of if I could have.