Beep beep beep! love it, you have grown to be a very talented poet.... :)

5/5 David

Wow....that was a very heartfelt poem. so much pain and sadness...i got goose bumps. if this is about yourself, i am deeply sorry for your loss.....great poem..

Heyy.
Sorry it took so long for my comments.
Thanks for the patience. <3

Title - Wow, It intrigued me. I wanted to read the poem. Its like..abstract, Get a hook. Well done, a catchy title is half the work over.

"The room is silent and all I can hear is the rhythmic beeping,"
I loved your use of words here, by adding "rhythmic" you made the line much more poetic, enjoyable to read.

"Tears escape my lids and I'm rushed with disbelief"
An excellent line, I honestly didn't expect this from the title but its great.
I love how you phrase things.

"Squinting eyes squeeze out tears, dripping down lightly and fast."
Dayum girl. You put a different egde on ideas used often. You make it your own, Your own style of writing.

"You were rolled into another room and mommy started crying,
Harder then me, it was almost a race because I cried harder too.
She held me and my shirt became wet with the taste of her tears,
The salt tasted sour and my mouth became dry, and I panicked."
This was my favourite stanza, It was sad, But excellently written. I'm near tears reading your poetry. You write from the heart and really get emotions out, Its not stiff. You don't follow a rhyme yet you make it flow amazingly.

"If you read this in heaven dad, please don't let me go. "
This line was so strong, You imagine a young girl speaking. Its heartbreaking.

Really excellent write,
5/5.
(:

iLisaaa.

The first and last stanze sealed off perfect.. as if a soft gentle bow being tied by natures hand loved it splended keep writing please!

Oh forgot my favorite stanza was

Questions race past my mind as the doctors proceed,
Ripping tubes and needles from every direction my mind racing,
They look at me sympathetically but I'm too confused to care,
Where are they rolling you daddy? Can I come just this once?

it was unique.. well 2 me..

Its realy good i like the tittle and i just get lost somewhere but still got the meaning behind keep working you got the talent

This poem had almost overwhelming emotion for me. I felt like crying at the end. You did a great job on this one. Your flow was perfect, and the vocabulary was really strong. I only found one mistake:
Doctors in there gowns gather outside their door,
should be their*
I'm so sorry for your lose. You protrayed your emotions so beautifully. I wanted to pick my favorite line but I can't choose... Great write.

Marvelous Job.

5.5

Edit:
Second stanza, first line, wrong there. It's their.
Fourth stanza, second line. You're asking a question. You began with why. End it with a question mark.
Fourth stanza, last line. I'd use a comma before who. If not that do a question mark and then ask who like you did in the next stanza.
Five stanza second line. Teen daddy should be teen, daddy? Otherwise you're calling yourself a boy with a baby, which I don't think you intended.
Second to last stanza, second line. It's than me.
Last stanza, second line. You're making a statement. You're saying you still ask those questions.
There are some other things I could have corrected but I decided not to. They were just a bunch of punctuation corrections.

Response:
Good poem. It was heartfelt. It had some mistakes, but if it was being read to me out loud, I wouldn't have been able to pick out most of those mistakes. So, as a whole, the poem was good. Just work on that punctuation stuff. That's your main problem. You projected the scene very well, so it was easy to picture everything, as I read.

Rating:
Four.