Baby Blue

The merical of love created a bundle of joy
throw showers and parties to get new clothes and toys
exceitment should start to rise wouldn't you think
when a mother finds out in that cradle is pink

they only put on a show of smiles and lies
when deep down inside they wished i was a guy
no love was aloud to be given to me
unless people were around or could see

daddy he would hit me so hard for things i didn't do
and when he was mad he'd scream at me to
i was so little i just wanted there love
they made me think i wasn't a good gift from above

they drank a partied for hours and days
living there lives in a drunken haze
i had to fend for myself at such a young age
but no matter how good i was they still told me i misbehaved

if they didn't want me why not just give me away
to a family who'd love me and show me that life is okay
they should of known something was wrong when a three year old wants to die
why didn't someone step in to help me some one tell me why?!?

maybe if someone cared i wouldn't be so screwed up today
i always got the impression i was just in people's way
i don't feel like being strong anymore or logical and sensible
i just want to be told that life is hard cause you tell me it's easy and that's a lode of bull!

i don't want to understand i just want to know why
i don't want to live or look on the bright side
i just want some one to love me to belive in me
to save me and protect me or just leave me be

i promise to be quiet and good
i promise i'll do everything i should
if you could just play with me or toss me in the air
tickle my tummy, paint my nails even do my hair.

and one day when i'm finsihed crying
maybe you could love me and save me from dieing
all i ever wanted was to make you proud of me
a pat on the back or to have you look at the mommy daddy look at me see!

now that i'm older i understand i was used
that what i thought was love then was really abuse
i want to run to a far magical land
where you can hug me and take me by the hand

I'd be little again and i wouldn't make you so mad
we'd smile together and i'd feel the love i never had
but i understand now that we can't do that we can't go back
and make up for everything we lacked

i'm tired of taking the blame and living these lies
i didn't deserve that it wasn't fair i can't help but cry
i just want some one to help me live
to go on with life and help me forgive

everyday it hurts because of you
i'm trying so hard but i don't know what to do
but i'll keep going with this life and i'll learn the hard way
because most of this still goes on to me everyday.

© Brie Anna Cherry jello press ©