If this...Then that

by withlove   Mar 23, 2008


Okay this is actually part of a song and its the first one that ive officially written. i know it doesnt have the exact same affect as a poem and its a little rough but let me know what you think.

V1
so im thinking back to those three days
as i picture your smiling face
with those eyes
those hidden brown eyes
and i remember everything you said
the words just racing through my head
and it makes me wonder why were not together

Chorus
and i guess i wanna see you means we cant meet again
and i guess i would date you means that we should just
be friends
and yea im still into you but i guess thats where it ends cause i dont wanna hear if this then that

V2
now i know that youve got a new girl
and i realized ill never be your world
but im not mad
im not even mad
cause as i said if youre happy then im happy
and if shes what you want then ill let it be
and ill still be there for you
cause thats what friends do

Chorus
now i know i wanna see you meant we cant meet again and i know i would date you meant that we should just be friends
and yea im still into you but i guess this is where it ends
cause i cant stand to hear if this then that

0


Did You Like This Poem?

Latest Comments

  • 16 years ago

    by MissMeg

    Hey this is really good.
    i love it
    keep it up

  • 16 years ago

    by Brittany

    V1
    so im thinking back to those three days
    as i picture your smiling face
    with those eyes
    those hidden brown eyes
    and i remember everything you said
    the words just racing through my head
    and it makes me wonder why were not together

    - Love everything about that verse. Just use capitalization where necessary.

    Chorus
    and i guess i wanna see you means we cant meet again and i guess i would date you means that we should just be friends and yea im still into you but i guess thats where it ends cause i dont wanna hear if this then that

    - Absolutely amazing. Maybe put this in stanza format? The word choice is brilliant though.

    V2
    now i know that youve got a new girl
    and i realized ill never be your world
    but im not mad
    im not even mad
    cause as i said if youre happy then im happy
    and if shes what you want then ill let it be
    and ill still be there for you
    cause thats what friends do

    -Not as good as the first, but still pretty good.

    Chorus
    now i know i wanna see you meant we cant meet again and i know i would date you meant that we should just be friends and yea im still into you but i guess this is where it ends cause i cant stand to hear if this then that

    Really good.
    I hope this does become a song, because I'd love to hear it. You've definitely got a lot of talent.
    Keep it up.
    5/5.

  • 16 years ago

    by RB

    "hidden brown eyes"
    i loved that line. makes it mysterious. i think this would be a good song. the chorus part is super catchy, and with music it would be great. good job!