Not alright

You cared for me when i was young,
You held me in your arms,
You wiped my tears when i cried,
And saved me from the harm,
You took me in,
And brought me up,
You still smiled at me,
When you'd had enough,
Years later now,
I don't see you much,
Christmas sometimes easters,
Now i shiver at your touch,
Can't face the fact your dying,
Can't talk to you on the phone,
And i keep it all inside me,
Deal with it all on my own,
I cry at night just thinking,
I shouldnt block this out,
I should be with you,
This second just right now,
I've built up my courage,
Coming to see you this week,
But right now my pillow's wet,
And tonight i just can't sleep,
I don't want you to see my hurt,
I know i must be strong,
For all the times you helped me through,
And now im doing wrong..
I know that when i hold your hand,
And smile and hug you tight,
That this will be the last time,
And im definetly not alright...