The Locket Of Elizabeth Pue

The locket of Elizabeth Pue was one of a very few,

^^ Great opening line. I loved how you made a rhyme with "Pue" and "few" even though you didn't have to rhyme them.

They think she died but it could be a doubt.

^^ I really didn't like this line, it was really awkward to read, and it seemed like the rhyme was forced [actually, I'm not even sure it's suppose to rhyme >.>].

The story a different kind of a fright
It happened one terrible, terrible night.

^^ Those two lines you did really well, they flowed and rhymed great. They also held my attention.

When Elizabeths time was now or never

^^Ahh, another awkward line.. hmm, I'm really not sure what your rhyme sceme is. Is there one?

Elizabeth Pue traveled out one morning,
Little did she know she was never returning.
The time was cut right to the end,
The night Elizabeth ran out of the den.

^^ That whole part rhymed and flowed good, it also gives the reader a feeling of dread, like what happened to her? You just know it's something bad.

That was the last we saw of her
They say she was under a terrible curse.

^^ I didn't like this part as much as the rest of the stanza. I liked your choice of words, but the flow seems to be messed up.

She ran out with her locket on her neck,
The reason she ran was a mystery
Itâ??s still a pretty weird story.
They say she ran for love or fame,
They say she was awfully insane.
This was the night of Elizabeth Pue.

^^ I don't really like the word "weird" for poems. Try to think of a different word like "eccentric". Also, I'd fix this "Itâ??s" it does that to my words sometimes too, just click edit and fix it. I like the last line of this stanza.. It reminds who this story is about.

She ran a mile, she ran a bunch,

^^ I don't like the word "bunch" here, again, I think it should be a more descriptive word.

Around a bush over a river,
She ran until she started to shiver.

^^ Those two lines were good.

She stopped a slow calm stop with a grin
She knew she could not even win.
But she found a spot to sit and catch a breath,

^^ Thos three lines were weak, I think you could have made them a bit stronger with re-wording them, and the last line probably needs to be stronger because it's the end of the stanza.

She looked around and began to locate
She was nowhere she was ever before
Her feet were starting to become sore
The rock she was sitting on was small and lumpy
Her voice was rough and extremely bumpy
She had a worried feeling of sorrow

^^ Okay, I didn't like the first part of this stanza, but I liked the last part. I think you're trying to hard to rhyme, that when you read it, it doesn't sound natural. Maybe try free verse?

Right in front of her was an old farm house,
She ran inside found many skulls and a mouse.
There was a bench where she sat and wept,
Looking at her locket she always kept.
The noise she heard was a scare of dread,
It was coming from upstairs in the bed.

^^ This is just a suggestion, but I think instead of coming right out and saying what she did, you could describe what she did and what was happening. It'd give the read more room to intrepret it in their own way. [Remember everything I say is just a suggestion, if you like it how it is, don't change it.]

She ran and ran upstairs to find
The farmer was up there out of his mind
He was holding a pitchfork in his right hand
He said get off, get off my land.
She jumped and sprinted out of the door
But he grabbed her and threw her to the floor.

^^ Oooh, I like this stanza. It's really intense, and you're left wondering what's going to happen in the next stanza.

At the end of the night Elizabeth Pue
Laid on the floor was her body there
Everything was bleeding even her hair.
The pitchfork was found at her side,
Eyes opened, opened wide.
She never saw the light of day,

^^ Aww, sadness and anger in this stanza. Sadness because she died and anger at the psycho farmer for killing her.

The only thing left was deep in her pocket,
It was but only her pure gold locket
It wasnâ??t touched, It was not harmed,
They say it was her good luck charm.
Nobody knows if what happened was true
But all we know is it was the locket of Elizabeth Pue,

^^ Wow, that was a really good ending, putting the locket in there was truely amazing. I think you have a lot of talent, just remember my suggestions. I hope I wasn't too harsh. >.<

Great poem!

Keep writing!
Cayce