Striptease

Great poem 4.5/5 ryming was to closly knit (srry easiest way i can put it)

In "Mind how you spend your time", I would add another syllable somewhere, perhaps by replacing 'spend' with 'dispense', That way, the meter flows more nicely.

Last stanza, second verse, I would delete the 'And', once more for the meter problem.

Nicely done, I especially like the references to the Bible.

Tippers tip while strippers strip,
allusive art etc.
^ Alliteration. =] Nice. i like it. Nice literary device you used throughout.
i also like how you double rhymed the first line in the first stanza. It gave a great first impression.
"bust" i /think/ shoudl be plural..
"sole" should be soul.

That's all the mistakes i can find.

Overall, i liked it. Nice message, Funny, and sad in sorts, how true it is..

xx:Lauren

I thought the first two lines of this poem were very crisp and interesting - the rhythm was right on, and the sound was interesting. Lots of assonance.

I also liked this section:

"When we were innocent long ago
We had no sin or shame to cover..."

The words are simple, but I liked how you pulled in this Biblical idea and used it to compare past to present, and shame to innocence.

Your rhyming was precise, but I almost felt like this poem could benefit a bit by loosening up on the rhyming scheme a touch. Sometimes it felt like you would choose a word only because of its rhyming, when perhaps another thought would have made the poem stronger. All in all, though, I thought it was well done. It's good to see that you're writing so much!