My Dearest Grandad

`v missed you grandad and all the funny and silly stuff you do,
I'm growing up and its in a life with out you!
Its hard for me to live in a world with out you.
It only gets harder each day as i go through so many challenges in life,
So many struggles and so many mistakes.
You normally have that person who you know will help you through,
But to me grandad that person is you!
At times i have wished that it was all one big bad dream.
That when i wake up you will be there to hold me when i scream.
You didn't even get to see me go to college,
You haven't gotten to be with me when life gets rough,
Your not around when i need you most when you said you always will.
It`s hard to walk past your house knowing your not in there no more,
It`s hard to not pick the phone up and dial your number when all i need is someone to talk to!
I like to think you are always watching over me.
But now thats getting too hard to believe.
Is there a heaven or is there a hell?
Or is it just something people say to comfort us wen we loose someone so close?
I get all these urges piled up inside.
I`ve done it all before so why not do it again.
Then the only reason i stop myself,
Is because the thought of you being disappointed in me.
Even though you are no longer around,
I realize that the pain and grief i bring upon myself,
Does not stop the anger or how hurt i feel.
I have yet to find the cure to help me in any way,
To overcome the pain of loosing you.
Sweet-dreams and God-bless to the loved ones i have lost.

Love Kreshie.