Fallen From Grace

by Lemma   Mar 25, 2008


She slithers across the grimy earth,
This is not where she belongs.
But now her destiny is to travel the world,
And sing her cold lonely song.

Low hollow tones and faint mournful words,
Flow from her mouth like black tears
That cascade slowly down her sallow ashen face
From eyes that brim with her fears.

This monstrosity of a spectre,
This ghastly gruesome presence
Was once a holy angel from up above
But now has a hostile essence.

She skulks in the shadows of times gone by
Bitter from her fall from grace.
White robe now crimson with the blood of her victims
Halo cannot be replaced.

She no longer guards heaven's white gates
But guards the gate to her past
Longing to forget how far she has fallen
So far that she is outcast.

No longer atop her fluffy white cloud
But dragging herself through the mire
No longer is she a hallowed guardian
Or something to which we aspire.

But a vile malevolent phantom
From whom all should back away
Wishing for her sins to be forgiven, redeemed
Alas here on the Earth she will stay.

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Latest Comments

  • 16 years ago

    by BlueEyedMystery

    I like how you actually wrote about a fallen angel. This really made me use my imagination [which I love doing]. I'm really into all the fantasy stuff. :]

    I think you used good vocabulary and all the rhymes were good, as was the flow. The descriptions were wonderful, but as I was reading it I couldn't help but feel like you tried [too] hard. It just seems kind of forced. There's also not anything in here that makes it stand out. No uniquness. It just kind of blends in with all the other dark fantasy poems.

    Even though I didn't really feel connected with this, it was definitely a good poem. Maybe I'm just off today. Oh well. :\ Great job!

    Keep writing!
    Cayce

  • 16 years ago

    by WrittenInTheStars

    The description and flow were great. But like Schemilix said, fluffy seems a bit out of place. All in all it was a wonderful poem.

  • 16 years ago

    by Unamed

    Umm.. this one was well honestly i couldn't grasp themeaning...but idk.....
    ***aly****

  • 16 years ago

    by Armada the Gestalt

    *Clicks tongue against roof of mouth* Good, good. Very good description of our fallen angel here, rythming at times a little forced, but nothing too bad... I do, however, suggest that you replace the word fluffy, it seems a little out of place? None the less, a powerful ending line, oh and 'sallow ashen face' was a good one too.

    Nyah, hope I helped. Keep up the good stuff bud,
    Schemilix ~

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