Only time will tell

by Poseur   Mar 26, 2008


We first met on a cold and cloudy day.
We weren't sure what to think.
People talked and rumors spread.
But right from the start we were linked.

It started out hard and rough.
We couldn't get along.
We split apart, but then came back.
For our hearts, at first, were wrong.

We're always bickering;
There's never a moments peace.
You would think things would be getting better,
But our fights refuse to cease.

Things are working, smoothing out.
It's not a living hell.
Will this couple make another round?
Only time will tell.

ughhhhh, it sucks, i knowwwww. Its the first time i ever tried anything like this but i posted it anyway. tell me what ya think?

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  • 16 years ago

    by maEve may

    ..doesnt show it was your first time, this poem is great...:)

  • 16 years ago

    by Jennifer RIP Lesthat Hayden

    Edit:
    Think and linked don't actually rhyme. Think and LINK rhyme. I'm all about perfect rhymes. Adding S's and Ed's on the end of things just takes away the part that actually make it rhyme. Most people don't care about that though and you'll get away with it for most readers.

    It should be moment's with the apostrophe. This is because that saying basically states, that moment in time OWNS peace. So since it shows ownership I believe it should have one. I'd double check on that one though. I've noticed a few acceptions and I'm still educating myself on those acceptions so you may as well be correct.

    Refuse should be refused. Since you are talking about the past there should be ed at the end.

    Do you mean it's a living hell? If you don't then explain what you mean.

    The only other edit I'm not even sure I'm right on so don't worry about it.
    In this line:
    Things are working, smoothing out.
    I think there should be another mark instead of a comma. Perhaps a semicolon? I could be wrong.

    The poem itself:
    I didn't think it was at all bad. It had a storyline and people can sort of picture and relate to what happened so it's not difficult to understand. You were consistent in most of your rhyming and I didn't find many mistakes (if I list off your mistakes, trust me it's not a lot, if I don't list the mistakes, then there are too many for me to bother with). Overall it was a decent poem. I would hope for more creativity in it. Maybe be more descriptive by using metaphors or similes. Something along those lines. I give it a three.

  • 16 years ago

    by Love vs Fate

    This poem is soo great! i want you to know that while i was reading this poem i was getting an image in my head. it was easy to picture what you wanted us to see. the way i see a poem is that the poet is trying to paint us a picture through their poems and thats what the beauty in poetry really is.

    i will give you a 5/5

    xoxoxo
    travis

  • 16 years ago

    by GretaInsideOut

    "It started out hard and rough.
    We couldn't get along.
    We split apart, but then came back.
    For our hearts, at first, were wrong."

    Great stanza. Fitted and flowed really well together, you write well for your age, when I was 14 i really couldn't write!
    Thanks for the comment.

    Greta xx

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