The story of the secret miscarriage [prose]

I set here holding my stomach, there is just so much pain. no one is here with me because no one would believe. i told them i was pregnant and they wouldn't believe, well now its to late. the baby no longer wants to stay. he has heard the words screamed about him and he has decided death would be a better place.

i sit here on this cold hard tile and wait for this sharp pain to pass. crying and screaming for i know that you will come with the last. I'm not far enough along for you to breathe this harsh air. I'm not far enough along for your little body to survive. do not come child. don't come outside to play. for this game of life will be the game you lose.

the pain is gone but so is your life. your so little as i hold you in my arms. blood is everywhere but my tears wash it away. i cannot help my tears as they are shed in a flood. your are my child my own flesh and blood. and i have lost you before you were even born.

good bye my child goodbye my love... one day they will know. you were here, you were not a ploy for attention. you were my baby boy... your life came quickly but so did your death never will you be forgotten.

now as i dig a grave. i must hurry to get this done before they come home. i have to clean up all of the blood, but laying my child in his grave is more important. i say a few words and shed a few tears. and promise everyday i will think of you and every year i will come back here.

headlights pull in to the drive so hurry inside. i lock the bathroom door and yell I'm in the bath. i scrub and clean the bathroom tiles. i wash my clothes in the sink.... all the blood has to be gone before i leave. in a hurry to make them believe i wet my hair and put on my robe, i plaster i smile to my face and walk out and ask what presents they bought.

they have no clue that you came and went. they were to busy wrapped up in their life's and trying to get ready for Christmas. but this year i will not smile as the tree lights up. i will not smile and play along with Santa. because you are not here to share this with me. and no one will ever no it.

i have never written a poem like this so please comment and tell me what you think. it is a true story and one i am just now able to talk about.