Oh wow! I really like this! It is so powerful in its own little way! The wording is excellent! You should really try to consider making a part 2 that is a longer version as I feel that it would be excellent!!!
It is almost like a dark rhyme damning humanity! So simple in structure and yet so complex in body! Brilliant! I truly enjoyed it!
Also, if you get a chance, please have a look over my poetry and let me know what you think!