This was an okay piece, I think. Towards the end it got a little messy, and the rhymes disappeared. The rhyme scheme throughout was a little, messy, weird, confused, or maybe that's just me. I liked the idea/story though.

Brad

No its meant to be like that, if you look the rhyme scheme goes ABAB AABB ABAB AABCB, but its your opinion and thats what im after, so thankyou.