Reality

In my dreams I see myself,
Making so many wrong decisions.
But I can do nothing,
To stop my stupidity.

My anger is always aroused,
For all the mistakes in my heart.
I watch death and darkness,
Creep on me and I welcome it.

Why do I do such things?
Blood is my desire.
Pain takes over my mind,
Alone in the world.

Surrounded by so many people,
That are forged to seem as though they are real.
But we know the truth,
Or is it just me that sees what I see?

Is my mind playing tricks on me?
Am I so wrong to believe what I believe?
Is it wrong to wish for change but tremble?
And as change comes before me,

Heaviness covers my mind,
And suddenly my vision goes black.
I'm not what people expect,
Disappoinment exists in their hearts.

As they see me live my life,
Rage tries to surface in my soul.
But it is not against them, it's against me,
I sway back and forth.

And music comes from my black heart,
That is alive in my corpse.
Beauty has become a flaw in my distorted mind,
As my heart is slowly ripped in front of me.

Why must they do that?
Why must they hide all the pieces?
I don't have it in me,
To look for them.

I am stuck in the same situation, I was in before,
Only because I refuse to move or change.
I have taken a hold onto my past,
And have clung to it ever since.

I will never understand,
If our past is so painful, then why do we cling to it?
If something burns our flesh,
And hurts our souls, why must we stay there?

Or why must we always return?
I know what I must do.
I must cling on the future,
Then I will hold onto myself.

And depend on no one,
And slowly pick up the pieces of my broken life.
I'll buy glue and attach it all together,
If I must.

I will learn this is life,
I don't even know how right now.
But,
I will one day.