Make it stop

I hate this make it stop i cant stand it any more
i want to change
i want to get better
iv done it before i know i can do it again
its just all the set backs every time things get hard i turn to my same old ways
I'm trapped in this never ending circle
i feel bad so i cut i feel bad when i cut so i cut cos i feel bad
it never ends!
surely at 21 i should have out grown it?
but thats like saying surely a 56 year old junkie should have out grown his heroin addiction?
no one understands why cutters cut
some times out of ignorance but sometimes cos they don't know what to say or do!
sometimes i feel like my cutting is my best friend but my worst enemy both at the same time
trapped between the two.
i sometimes wish i had never started but then i realise that at my worst times its helped me cope
whats that saying?
"my scars are there to prove my past is real"
well mine is all to real.
but I'm not ashamed of my scars there my war wounds
there to prove i came through the other side.
I'm not a victim of self harm I'm a surviver
just like many others.

sorry for waffling on just wanted to get it out :)