Whispered Rhymes on Ink Stained Pages

Amazing, 5/5. Em xx

I'm speechless. Your words are so powerful, 5/5. Em xx

I'm speechless again. You're words are so powerful, 5/5. Em xx

Speechless, 5/5. Em xx

"Line after line, scrawled across the page in blue ink,
Words bleeding onto paper, describing a life that's on the brink,
The tears keep coming, the pen in her hand moves ever faster,
The letters become blurred, but the rhymes continue to grasp her"

^^ Beautiful, beautiful opening..however, I don't like the constant use of "the" ..maybe :

Tears keep coming, pen in her hand moves ever faster,
Letters become blurred, but rhymes continue to grasp her"

I don't think you need them and find it to flow better without them.

"The scratching noises of her pen, form a melody for only her to keep,
Lullabies that hypnotize, as she writes herself to sleep,
And as she rests her tired eyes, the rhymes continue to whisper in her head,
Soothing her battered aching soul, washing away her fears and silent dread "

Another powerful and gripping stanza, I really liked this verse, the emotion and depth in these four lines is beautifully created and brought up so many conflicting emotions for me as the reader. However, again I noticed a few filler words which I thought spoiled the flow a little. Maybe :

Scratching noises of her pen, form a melody for only her to keep,
Lullabies that hypnotize, as she writes herself to sleep,
As she rests her tired eyes, rhymes continue to whisper in her head,
Soothing her battered aching soul, washing away her fears and silent dread

"Lullabies that hypnotize, as she writes herself to sleep"

^^ LOVE that line, that line made the whole verse for me.

"Then once again when the morning comes, she finds herself awake,
The words she's written, scribbles on paper, wondering if her life was a mistake,
She gathers the ink stained pages, strewn all across the floor,
She hides her words, her truths, and once again locks that emotional door"

For some reason I find the flow to be of on the second and fourth line here, maybe something like :

Then once again when the morning comes, she finds herself awake,
Words she's written, scribbles on paper, wondering if life was a mistake,
She gathers the ink stained pages, strewn all across the floor,
Hiding words, her truths, once again locking that emotional door

Or something along those lines.

However I really liked this verse, so many people put on a mask and pretend everything is okay when it isn't and you manage to capture that really well here.

"Washing the tear tracks from her cheeks, again she puts in place her iron mask,
Holding in her tears, hushing the whispered rhymes, she smiles so no one will think to ask,
No she's not okay, she doesn't know who she is, or what to do anymore,
But she has the lines and lines she writes, keeping her company lying on the floor"

^^ LOVE this stanza, my favourite so far. Such melancholy and filled with so much depth and emotion, and something so many writers can relate to which of course makes it all the more powerful.

"She keeps telling herself she'll be okay in the end, that things will get better soon,
Maybe it's all just in her head, and all she has to do is sing a different tune,
She struggles to write a different kind of line, with the rhymes that are always there,
The right words won't seem to form, so she takes her pen and writes "I'll be okay, I swear." "

^^ I really like the transistion here, throughout the piece it's all about despair and lies and yet here in this stanza even though there's still hints of sadness there's also possible hope, and I thought it made for a powerful affect.

In my opinion, one of your best.