Untold Ending

by TheRevelation   Mar 30, 2008


Slow down, you can't just let things end like that.
You held my heart in a cage, poking and jabbing,
Things weren't supposed to end, not like this,
I need you.

Whisper loudly in my ear that you need me too,
All I want is your arms and love but no,
You will not give them to me, you refuse,
I taste the tears now.

All of those memories and laughs meant nothing,
The cage has been open but I can't get up,
My skin in thin and my knees are weak,
I need you to survive.

This is the untold ending of a love that is gone,
Just one more time, please just kiss me,
Kiss the pain away, I want to feel your lips,
I see you walking away now.

[A completely different type of how I write but it all came out so I wrote it.]

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  • 16 years ago

    by Stephanie

    Huni, huni, huni! I adore this. I truly do - I'd honestly call it one of your best poems to date. :] Beautifully done.

    "Slow down, you can't just let things end like that."
    -- an amazing beginning; truly something that caught my eye and kept my attention.

    "I need you."
    -- such a simple line, yet to me it held so much beauty. when I read it, it sounded so vulnerable and sadly written. lovely.

    "All I want is your arms and love but no,
    You will not give them to me, you refuse,
    I taste the tears now."
    -- jesus, woman. are you trying to make me cry? lmao. very touching.

    "My skin in thin and my knees are weak,
    I need you to survive."
    -- these lines were probably my favorite in the entire poem. they were so sweet yet heartbreaking at the same time. they portrayed vulnerability and love at the same time. amazing.

    "This is the untold ending of a love that is gone,"
    -- a very creative line. :] i'm lovin' it.

    Darlin', this was absolutely-positively-beautiful. There's no other way to describe it. Definately one of my favorites. Phenominal job, m'dear. (: Overall: 5.5

    -- Steph..