Comments : What I Want

  • 16 years ago

    by AngelicDecadence

    It was.. ok. It was good, don't get me wrong. I just disliked the last line. It doesn't fit in at all. The rest of the poem goes with the "ly" sound, but in the end.. heart? It didn't work. Maybe try changing that, there were a few other touchy places, as amandaBITES showed, so i wont get into that.
    Overall though, very well done.
    *Chaotic Angel*
    5/5

  • 13 years ago

    by L

    The last line was off, the rest it's good.

    I guess it sounds better if you say

    I love you so much baby
    With all my heart, that's what I want.
    To be with you, this time.

    Hehe may be not but I gave it a try.