I just don't understand

I just don't understand why.
It doesn't seem this could be happening to me.
I always said I'd never end up like this,
The person who tries to hide her feelings.

When I tell my friends they say they understand,
but they're lying.
They could never know,
it's not like they're in my position.

I love them,
but there is no way they could tell or understand exactly how I feel.

I don't understand why this life is so confusing.
It's complicated.
And I feel like I'm losing in a battle of understanding what's right and wrong in this life of decision making.

It's not easy being me and I feel guilty when I start thinking how much worse some people have it.
Even though I've gone through crap it's no excuse for some ways I act

And I don't understand why I do some things I do to cover up how I really feel.
I don't understand now but eventually, hopefully I'll figure it out.