This was okay. The first and last lines were the strongest, and they're the most important ones. Stanza three was by far the weakest. The first line was too short, and the second was too long, and in the third and forth lines the words and rhymes were weak, sorry. I loved the last two lines of the first stanza, which was the best stanza by the way. I liked the last lines of that stanza especially, but those two lines had a good flow, good words and good rhymes, as well as power, well done.

Brad