One thing you should know

Well I guess living for someone you love comes down to this.... a knife in my back and a twisting blade in my heart. I guess thinking someone you love with all your heart loves you back is a rather utopian fantasy of bull sh*t. I guess thinking that you could be love is just another stupid idea. I guess when you think you see friendship that so pure it's crystal clear, you haven't looked hard enough for the black hole in the center.

It turns out that I was the fool.
I thought someone actually cared about me. I thought someone was my first true friend. I thought I was "unconditionally loved". I thought that maybe, just maybe, my life was worth living.
But it turns out that I am a fool.

All I was was a metal trap that unknowingly held someone I loved... I just thought that I was the pair of open arms you'd needed to comfort you.
All I was was a nothing that thought someone could love, or even give a d*mn about for that matter, nothing.
All I was was a joke.

All I am is a joke.

A joke that thought it wasn't a joke.

so happy April Fool's Day from the dumba*s that you never really liked
'Cause it turns out the trick was on me.

I would like to quote a song from the Wedding Singer because it suits our relationship perfectly..... well, according to someone other than me.

"You don't know how much I need you
While you're near me I don't feel blue
And when we kiss I know you reed me, too
I can't believe I found a love that's so pure and true

But it all was bullsh*t
It was a godd*mn joke
And when I think of you (myself)
I hope you f**king choke

I hope you're glad with what you've done to me
I lay in bed all day long feeling melancholy
You left me here all alone tears running constantly

Oh, somebody kill me please
Somebody kill me please
I'm on my knees
Pretty, pretty please kill me
I want to die
Put a bullet to my head"

And this is the song that suits my feelings....

"Wanna make you smile whenever you're sad
Carry you around when your arthritis is bad
All I wanna do is grow old with you.
I'll get your medicine when your tummy aches.
Build you a fire if the furnace breaks
Oh it could be so nice, growin old with you.
I'll miss you, kiss you, give you my coat when you are cold.
Need you, feed you, and even let you hold the remote control.
So let me do the dishes in our kitchen sink
Put you to bed when you've had too much to drink.
Oh I could be the man who grows old with you.

I'll miss you, kiss you, take your shoes off and rub your feet.
Need you, feed you, and when we play checkers i'll let you cheat.
So let me do the dishes in our kitchen sink
Put you to bed when you've had too much to drink.
Oh I could be the one who grows old with you.
I wanna grow old with you."

And I can't forget this lyric:
"If I hold you, there's one problem you should know.
If I hold you, I might not ever let you go."

I'm sorry for that one, but it's true. God only knows how long it's gonna take my heart to heal from this one. It's been almost 250 days since I heard your voice, and I still ball my eyes out when I think about never getting to see you again.