Yea...

It was cool. It makes me think of those poetry clubs you see on T.V. where the lighting is dim, everyone loves coffee for whatever reason, a drum beats at the end of each line, and applause comes in the form of snapping. I'd give it a four.

Enjoyed your write greatly, thought it told the description well of this woman. My only suggestion would be to use the line "Only the heart of a man in passion" as a stand alone between the two stanzas.
As alwasy an opinion. Very nice write.