Allegory Of The Fish Tank

Allegory Of The Fish Tank

In the beginning there was Philo, and there was Myra. They were the first fish to swim up from the slime. In time, they begat many offspring - insuring that life would continue in the universe. After many generations, there came a great catastrophe. The seas began to drain, and the fish were scooped up by great celestial webs and transported to other worlds. Smaller worlds, which had no colored rocks on the sea floor; nor did they have coral reefs, sunken ships or treasure chests. Worst of all, there were no bubbles to tickle the belly as a fish swam through them. No, these worlds were drab, and plain, and they offered little in the way of recreation. Fortunately, the situation proved to be temporary, and the fish were returned by the gods to their rightful home in the great sea.

Many more generations passed, until a great philosopher emerged on the universal scene. His name was derived from a blending of the names Philo and Myra. He was called Mylo. Mylo's theories combined science and philosophy in an effort to prove that the great sea, and even the universe itself came into existence as a result of one great celestial event. It was dubbed The Big Splash Theory. Many fish began to question the validity of the ancient beliefs, and mythologies. With each generation, more and more fish began embracing The Big Splash Theory, and turning away from the Creator. It got to the point that some fish used laws, sympathetic to personal rights, to remove the rights of those whose spiritual beliefs clashed with their own secular beliefs. All they had to do was tell the court that the sight of religious temples, and artifacts, was offensive to their delicate psyches. Once their complaints were heard laws were passed, preventing such things from standing in public view. Meanwhile, the fish who protested returned un-offended, to their daily activities, which included nightclubbing, drinking, drug use, and lasciviousness.

Any would be prophet fish who publicly spoke of intelligent design, met with stern opposition from the scientific community. If, by some miracle, he or she managed to sway listeners, the fish of science would simply ask everyone gathered how many degrees they held. Most prophet fish had no certificates of achievement from institutions of higher learning, and the science fish were quick to share that information with listeners. The science fish would then list their degrees and say:

"Just take our word for this, the great sea, is the product of natural events. It was not created by any universal intelligence. There may be intelligence in other great seas throughout the universe, but that's as far as it goes. Fish are the top of the intelligence chain; there are no "gods" above us. If some of you have difficulty processing that information, just remember: we're smarter than you, AND we're smarter than this, so called, prophet fish. We are constantly studying the great sea, and what we can see of the universe beyond. Trust us, WE KNOW THE TRUTH!"

More generations passed, and the great sea began to show signs of pollution. It was becoming contaminated by fish who no longer held to the moral teaching of the ancient texts. Science assured them that there was no Creator to fear, and so they lived as they pleased, showing little regard for the great sea. One day, a guppy named Fred was enjoying a day of tanning at the surface of the great sea, just below the long light, when he heard the voice of the creator. The voice sounded angry at the way the fish had treated their world, and spoke of cleansing the great sea of their filth. Amazed at what he'd heard, Fred immediately swam into the depths of the great sea, to warn the other fish. Of course, no one believed him, but that didn't discourage the guppy from delivering his warning. Finally, the other fish became so enraged by Fred's persistence, that they attacked, and killed him.

Terrance McCaffrey loved to sit by his fish tank and watch the fish. He often said it settled his spirit. But serenity would escape him this evening. He watched in horror as one of his guppies was brutally attacked and killed by the other fish in the tank. Earlier he had expressed concern for the way the tank was beginning to look, and thought it might be due for another cleaning. But now, after seeing such violence, he decided it might be time to start over completely.

Terrance grabbed the net and scooped Fred's lifeless remains from the water. Next he reached down and caught two of Fred's killers. Each fish removed from the water was placed in the toilet; and when all had been plucked from the fish tank, Terrance flushed them down the drain.

And just before the fish were swept away to their less than pleasant end, those who had followed the teachings of science berated the science fish for angering the gods, and putting them in this predicament.

"This is your fault!" They exclaimed. "You were the ones who ASSURED US that there was no intelligence greater than ours! Now you've doomed us all!!"

"Listen," replied the science fish, "there's no such thing as an exact science. That's why we call our ideas THEORIES! If we could actually PROVE them, they'd be called FACTS!"

"Don't you think it would have been in everybody's best interests, if you hadn't left that little pearl of wisdom OUT OF YOUR PRESENTATIONS??? BUT NOOO, YOU HAD TO PRETEND TO BE SMARTER THAN EVERYONE ELSE!! Now look at what your self-proclaimed intelligence has done! YOU'VE DOOMED US ALL!!!"

As the other fish began encroaching on their position, the science fish began to plead for mercy. "Um, sorry? Hey, come on guys, lighten up, everybody makes mistakes!"

Terrance was sure he had done the right thing, when he witnessed the majority of the fish in the toilet bowl, attack two other, defenseless fish. It made flushing them that much easier.

One week later the fish tank was clean, and filled with fresh water once more. Terrance purchased a pair of goldfish from the pet store, and named them Adam and Eve. That evening he placed the goldfish in the freshly cleaned tank, poured himself a glass of wine, sat in his favorite chair, and watched the goldfish explore their new home. He was once more at peace.

In the beginning there was Adam, and there was Eve. They were the first fish to swim up from the slime. In time, they begat many offspring - insuring that life would continue in the universe.