My Phoenix

by Silent Voice and Tender Heart   Apr 5, 2008


The phoenix lies within my heart growing stronger daily.
She spreads her wings to fly day-by-day.
She wants to be free to soar through out space and time.
She devours the evil that lives inside me.
She consumes the agony that I feel constantly.
Her tears will heal my heart daily no matter how far I go.
My phoenix will never die or fall.
She will be more powerful than ever before,
When she arises from her ashes.

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Latest Comments

  • 16 years ago

    by H E Losey

    This is an interesting story. I feel you could do a bit of work on the metre to smooth out the flow. Line three "throughout" is one word. some of your lines leave me wondering what you exactly mean..ie. line 3 and line 6. Also in line two the Phoenix is flying yet in line 9 you are awaiting its rise from ashes.
    as always only an opinion.

  • 16 years ago

    by Paralyzed

    I wasn't sure when I read the first 2 lines, the repeat of daily at the end of both just doesn't feel right to me, but the rest was better. I think it is a good start and I like your concept, I think you just need to tighten your flow a bit to pull it all together. A nice start though, good work.

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