Lost With Time (Part Two)

by Syn   Apr 5, 2008


- Written for contest.

Lost with time,
Lost with space,
I'm patiently waiting for this.
I want out of this place,
To be with you far from here.

To be here
Is to be of our own selfish will.
Freely coming and going.
Rarely staying too near.
When we're together,
Smiles, always glowing.
But never growing too close.

We have come a long way,
But here we are.
On this plateau,
I see love from here.
It looks so far away,
But I feel it ever so strongly.

Love,
So hard to obtain,
And not abuse.
Never try too hard,
Alone.

-Syn

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Latest Comments

  • 16 years ago

    by Nix

    Interesting second part, I expected something more pathetic too be honest but you did nice job.
    I overall like it, I think that you could make even more captivating atmosphere with using some more unique descriptions, it is always good to expand you vocab even just a little bit. Also for my taste this is kinda too simple but there is something in core of this piece which made me to like it, I somehow truly can feel that your emotions coming from the heart and you described them on very indirect and steady way but that left remarkable impression on me.
    Usually I hate repetition of words but in this poem I see function of your repetitions so you highlighted emotions with using same words which is also good.
    I think that you could improve your writing but all in all I enjoyed in this poem.

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