Some Melodies Are Better Left Undone

by Viola   Apr 5, 2008


Glimpses of reality like lights flickering on and off
Moments you forget to remember marked in calendars under our beds
So you told me with your eyes in spring breeze days
Your voice is sweet as you whisper lies I regret believing
But words speak louder with your eyes shut baby
Is that why you always look down when you say my name?
Now maybe I'm the type of girl that would rather be alone in her dreams
Than be with someone who will break them
I remember a year ago sitting on that bench
In a park we haven't dared to visit in so long
Me beside you all starry eyed in a pink dress
Feeling you breathing and holding your hand
And I realized as I walked home that day
Holding on to the smile you pasted on my face
That I just couldn't spend a day without you travelling around my head
I realized I loved you that day
And I guess it's the biggest mistake I've made

But so far these moments have gone and come
Faster than I could ever catch them all
Just so I could sew them on my sleeve for a rainy day
The days grow older and vanish with the wind
And the years pass by like the seasons have come to spring
Only now the roses are a certain shade darker
I made myself believe you'll be the only one
Who'll ever be allowed to touch me after where I've been
Sober fears that somehow blinded my vision
But you always were the only one that made me feel comfortable enough
To close my eyes in public places
I guess what hurts the most is knowing
You never wanted me beside you for the same reason
I tried so hard to attach my heart to yours in safety pins
But they didn't hold and only ended up tearing my skin
Now the scars have hidden but I know they won't fade
As I beg you to let me leave first so I can complete the day

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  • 16 years ago

    by Tammie

    The title is what brought me to read this, however I am a bit confused about it. I read it, and it was appealing, but I thought.. shouldn't it say 'unsung' not 'undone'. Maybe that was your intent though, either way I like it.

    So I was brought straight in and in the fourth line is where I first fell inlove with this piece.
    'Your voice is sweet as you whisper lies I regret believing' Something about this line.. I think it's because you said you 'regret believeing' the lies, as if you had a choice, and you -knew- that they were lies, but you chose to believe them anyway. I don't exactly know if that's what you meant, but that's how I interpreted it, and I'm fine with that because I love it and I can relate deeply with it. Wonderful line.
    The rest of this stanza is so descriptive, creating lovely imagery. I enjoyed it a lot.
    Then the last line, you again speak of a mistake you've made - but yet again, you can't choose to fall in love, you just do, I like the upside-downness of how I'm feeling within this piece so far.. I don't think I've quite felt this way while reading a poem before.

    I think in this stanza you could use another word to describe putting the moments on your sleeve, instead of pasting them, in the third line. Other than the fact I think it sounds a bit out of place itself, you used that before with your smile. Just a suggestion?
    This line especially hit me in this stanza so far;
    'Who'll ever be allowed to touch me after where I've been'
    It gives the reader a thought as to what has happened to you, such as rape, etc (just something that came to mind) when they read that something bad has happened in the past. Gives a touch of.. mystery and another tone of emotion to this piece. Well done with that.
    And for the rest of this peice, I love the metaphors and again the descriptiveness of it all. You portrayed a lot of emotion within this and I like the way you expressed it all. I can relate very closely, which makes this poem so much more emotional to me, I can feel it within your words.

    Excellent piece. 5/5

    Tammie

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