I <3 Rise Against, they are an amazing band, you have a very good taste in music lol

Kaylee
This is so very sad. The heartache can be felt by the reader. The imagery and word choices are awesome.

'Til the tint of silver faded light
I clasp a thin melody only known
Embedded upon night's gravel road
In midnight sight, I hide the veracity
And discern the false smile of white teeth
Mirrored in moonlight's fallen shadow

This is so heartfelt. Trying to hold on to something we think is lost to us.

Disturbed, I quivered, virtually choking
In quaking hand, a frail melody lay in slumber
Engraved upon the damned night road
And damn I, the melody quietly voiced
For passion tricked, tricked those of whom
Embraced, then discard in frozen arms

These lines really grip and squeeze the readers heart. The feelings that you have loved and been decieved. Just tossed aside like nothing ever mattered.
Excellent job!
Love Cindy

Such wonderful comparisons drawn between the true pain of heartache in the cold, lonely, and dark midnight hours. I get a picture in my head of the desert when the night creeps in and the temperature drops, a wasteland of all comforts, much like a broken heart.

Wow.. What a deep and intense piece this was. A awesome expression of such bitter pain and sorrow..

"Engraved upon the damned night road
And damn I, the melody quietly voiced
For passion tricked, tricked those of whom
Embraced, then discard in frozen arms"

Such agonizing words.. which made for a breathtaking ending.. Fantastic Write!!!

Thanks for the song.. Breakup songs are the best lol.

Truly powerful from the beginning to the end. Your choice of words is superb in each stanza and the flow that you created is simply flawless.

- 'Til the tint of silver faded light
I clasp a thin melody only known
Embedded upon night's gravel road-
^^
Very effective description that created vivid image in my thoughts. This is truly a great opening for the piece. it is excellently worded and it pulled me straight into the poem.

- Disturbed, I quivered, virtually choking
In quaking hand, a frail melody lay in slumber
Engraved upon the damned night road-
^^^
This is my favorite part of the piece, it is so original and refreshing. I like the atmosphere that you created here along with fantastic, vivid imagery. Amazing lines.

- And damn I, the melody quietly voiced
For passion tricked, tricked those of whom
Embraced, then discard in frozen arms-
^^^
Simply breathtaking, very beautiful.

Overall, this is greatly written piece, very creative and enjoyable read.

Kaylee,

How sad this poem is! You must have felt really bad when you wrote this down...
The poem itself is awesome, though.

Hugs,

5/5 Ingrid

I love how the message is not clear here after initially reading it and it compellled me to read it again. The mood you created with your choice of words was flawless and nicely coexisted with your message and imagery. I could really feel the emotions you wished to protray .. they were deep, full of hurt and meaning. The style was different as was the topic which was refreshing to read because sometimes I get tried of reading the same thing day in and day out .. I love reading your word because it is so different and actually takes some thinking power to figure out .. I enjoy the imagery in this piece because it was so filled with sorrow and darkness that it just lured me out of my reality and transported me into another world. Well done my dear .. another amazing piece by you. *5/5*

I had to read this several times. That is actually a very good thing. I love the freshness that you have presented with this piece.

It is a pleasure to embark upon that rare write that challenges a reaaders thoughts and allows for the imagination to paint the walls.

This piece is original and raw. It tugs at the sole and engulfs the reader; consuming the inner being.

Well inked...

~~Sher

I love these lyrics. Awesome job! I can't wait to read more.

Marvellous....... From 007

VERY good, the imagery was mystically haunting and the poem overall was beautiful.

"'Til the tint of silver faded light"
Intruiging beginning and a pretty image. Also, the rhythm here is amazingly well done.

"I clasp a thin melody only known"
Key words: 'clasp' and 'thin'
Grasping melody, another interesting image in the mind. Music is something so abstract, almost like time, so its difficult to write about.

"Embedded upon night's gravel road"
A change of atmosphere at 'gravel road', but in a soft velvety way.

"In midnight sight, I hide the veracity"
I had to look up veracity, it's not that common a word, but I don't suggest on changing it. The word itself has a very nice ring and it SOUNDS like it belongs in this poem. Even if the reader doesn't understand what it means, it still has a good feel to it.

"And discern the false smile of white teeth"
I liked this line the least; there were too many words that didn't fit in with the general atmosphere you've created: 'discern', 'false', 'white teeth'. Also, I didn't understand what this line actually had to do with your poem. So far, I saw the reflection of moonlight on silver, heard a melody carried on the midnight breeze and leaves falling upon a gravel road, then suddenly the flash of a row of teeth. This line just doesn't fit in for me.

"In quaking hand, a frail melody lay in slumber"
The repition of the concept of grasping music is nicely worded and obviously has its own special place here.

"Embraced, then discard in frozen arms"
Discarded? I liked the contrast here: 'embrace' against 'frozen arms'. Again, gorgeous imagery.

"Of Heart Break's Roadside"
I swear, I could have died there. All along the poem, I wondered what you were talking about, and this is the peak, the climax, the summet. Amazing ending.

So very moving and beautiful to read. Metaphorically awesome and hauntingly sad.

"Disturbed, I quivered, virtually choking
In quaking hand, a frail melody lay in slumber
Engraved upon the damned night road
And damn I, the melody quietly voiced
For passion tricked, tricked those of whom
Embraced, then discard in frozen arms"

I love the way you've intertwined the melody and the road....and in the end love is blind....well done Kaylee!

This was a touching piece. Truely. I think you work so well with emotion. You know how to express yourself. Unlike me. I loved the metaphors used. I found them to be quite different and unique.

The message behind this was breath taking but I do like how you hide it within the poem and actually make the reader have all their attention upon it. It's unclear and really intriguing to find. Your poetry makes me think. Not many poems do that to me.

Gorgeous imagery was portrayed within each line. I found you have painted perfect picture into my mind just through you vocab.

You ended didn't hold as much power as the last piece of yours I r ead. But it still had an impact.

You definitly are a good writer. Well done. ~Mel

Wow! I actually read just a few of your poems but this when still impressed me most of all pieces I read from you. Whole poem is filled with excellently expressed emotions and I think that you done very refreshing and truly original job.
I love the way you bonded poem with a title, you did that on very subtile but strong way.

-'Til the tint of silver faded light
I clasp a thin melody only known
Embedded upon night's gravel road
In midnight sight, I hide the veracity
And discern the false smile of white teeth
Mirrored in moonlight's fallen shadow-

^amazing opening stanza, first line truly grabbed my attention and every description is so vivid... Simply I am honestly fascinated with your writing in this part, this is maybe my favorite stanza, it is so remarkable.

-Disturbed, I quivered, virtually choking
In quaking hand, a frail melody lay in slumber
Engraved upon the damned night road
And damn I, the melody quietly voiced
For passion tricked, tricked those of whom
Embraced, then discard in frozen arms-

^Your choice of words stayed great and you used so detail descriptions here that helped you to create captivating imagery. Very emotional and powerful write.

-Of Heart Break's Roadside-

^Truly, truly effective ending line...

Overall I like your metaphors and deep connection between images and feelings, I enjoyed in every line, well done, truly excellently written.

I hope you like honest comments.

Again, this poem did not do anything for me. The first line did not draw me in. While your vocabulary used was superb, this poem did not hit me anywhere.
I think you should change the format a little, to help with the flow of it. There are some lines that should continue on on that same line, but don't.
EXAMPLE:
"For passion tricked, tricked those of whom
Embraced, then discard in frozen arms"

I feel as though that is one sentence. But of course you would have to change the entire format of the poem. If you just changed that part, it would look odd. That was just a suggestion.
The title did however, go with the poem.
But the poem did nothing for me though. Still a good write for other people, but not me.
4/5

Very nicely written. The flow was good, however; I felt it could of been a lot better with the assistance of puncuation through out. The structure was good as well as the imagery created in this poem.

``````````

[Rise Against] The Roadside

^^Why is, "Rise Against" in [ ]? Also why is it all caplitalized? Other than those two minor things, this line that starts the poem made me want to read on and see what it was the was rising against the roadside.

``````````

'Til the tint of silver faded light
I clasp a thin melody only known
Embedded upon night's gravel road
In midnight sight, I hide the veracity
And discern the false smile of white teeth
Mirrored in moonlight's fallen shadow

^^Shouldn't, "'Til" be like this, "Til'"? Anyways, this stanza really stuck out to me with the imagery that you created within it.

I felt this stanza could of been better constructed and flowed better if it had puncuation like so:

'Til the tint of silver faded light,
I clasp a thin melody only known,
Embedded upon night's gravel road.
In midnight sight, I hide the veracity
And discern the false smile of white teeth
Mirrored in moonlight's fallen shadow.

``````````

Disturbed, I quivered, virtually choking
In quaking hand, a frail melody lay in slumber
Engraved upon the damned night road
And damn I, the melody quietly voiced
For passion tricked, tricked those of whom
Embraced, then discard in frozen arms

^^Overall I felt this stanza was nicely constructed and continued the flow from the last stanza. I really don't have much to say about this stanza except for the lack of puncuation.

Therefore, here is an example of how I feel the puncuation would be helpful to this stanza:

Disturbed, I quivered, virtually choking.
In quaking hand, a frail melody lay in slumber
Engraved upon the damned night road.
And damn I, the melody quietly voiced,
For passion tricked, tricked those of whom
Embraced, then discard in frozen arms.

``````````

Of Heart Break's Roadside

^^Same as the first line, why is it all caplitalized? Is there a meaning behind that? Other than that this was a nice ending to the poem.

``````````

Overall great write, keep up the great work.

Peace, Joe

A well written & beautifully penned poem ! Great job keep it up 5/5

Well written and beautifully penned 5/5 keep it up

I loved your use of a metaphor in this thought provoking piece. Excellent word choice and flow! Outstanding!

I love this poems great write 5/5 xD