Slow Down. You're Breaking Me Way Too Fast.

Good!

Thank you so much for the comment on my poem. Now on to your piece!

"Voices quiver against the silent song tonight -
as your words shake against this violent wind."
-I thought this line pulled me in because I wanted to learn more about this tragedy that only your words could do. I also like the contrast of how it is a silent song but violent winds. I thought that was beautiful.

"Scream your anger, mutter your apologies;
push me till' I break, don't give me time to bend."

-This was my favorite for some reason. I loved how it is so true, that people do tend to scream and yell when they are angry but apologizes seem muttered like you said. I really loved how you portrayed the truth in those lines.

"Let's jog back in time through the memories,
and overlook the good, over analyze the bad -
because in the end of forever that's all that matters,
after we've thrown away all we ever had."

-I put this together because it flowed well and well basically it all goes together =]. Another truth in your words, I love how you said overlook the good, over analyze the bad, and putting at the end of forever because forever is supposed to never end.

"My hears seem to have gone silent through the riot,
and my eyes can't win the race against your lips.
I'm losing track, this world's going way too fast,
I can't keep up with the words written on this script."

-Maybe you meant ears? I am not sure. But the use of not being able to hear through a riot, and hear the pain and destruction, lovely!
The eyes not being able to keep up is magnificent! Not being able to keep up, self explainatory ^-^ And how you said words written on a script as if they were planned and this was supposed to happen. Thought that was great!

"So can you do me a favor? [If it's not too much to ask.]
Stop. Stop. Stop muttering so my heart can beat again.
Because you're breaking it a little faster than normal,
and it's yet to have time to communicate with my pen."

-I love the usage of how you put the brackets, emphasis and adding a piece of the puzzle that we may not know. The three stops justify how desperate and how much agony the person is in. Breaking it faster than normal, it has been broken before, it has happened before I like that you put a past into what was happening now. The end was unique connecting the feelings and words to writing. The last two lines sum it up perfectly.

OMG ! I love the title . Lalala . I read it last night when you posted it , but I didn ' t have time to comment . But now I am . Lol .

First stanza : I like the story line already , it is simple yet complex within it ' s emotion . Your rhyme flow is smooth and simple . Not forced like we know some can be . Also your vocabulary is strong but not overpowering . I like it already :]]

Second : I like the first line , but for some reason I feel like the words [ could ] be switched up to make more sense . Just me though Steph . I love the second line , gosh . It made me smile because I know this feeling a little [ too ] well ; Your flow is still flowing smoothly . Lol . But , I think you should capitalize the first letters of each line . I know you normally do , so it might just be this piece . Either way I love it .

Third : First line , you say my hears . I think you meant my ears . Not sure though . Oh well . I like the idea of a riot . Love is a riot . [ Don ' t Mind Me Today ] But yeah , you switch up the storyline in this stanza and it ' s great . It reminds me of a Paramore song , this stanza . I don ' t know why though . Oh well . Lol . I liked the last line :]]

Last : You already know how I feel about the brackets . I love them . And the particular way you use them is amazing . It adds another emotion to the piece . I like the repetition of stop , but I think you should of just say it once and then continue on with the line ; I like that you add the poetry thing into this , with the communicating with your pen idea . It adds a different twist and I like it .

OH . And the last lines -- They are great . An awesome way to sum up the piece . Overall , another great piece sweetheart . 5 . 5

Amber .

Very well done. Beautiful flow. And I loved the message in this poem. Keep it up!