What do i need to do?
by megan Apr 9, 2008
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Tell me...what do i have to do to break through these four rough brick walls just to get through to you? |
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16 years ago
Hmm.... the other poem i commented on was alot more powerful than this, and it needs some changes:
"Tell me...what do i have to do to break through these four rough brick walls just to get through to you?"
- Two "through" 's in one line. Sounds a little odd. Try something like...
"Tell me...what do I have to do
To break down these four brick walls
Just to get through to you"
"The thing is, is that if only you knew"
- I dunno if it is only me but there's something not quite right about this line :S
"then, tell me what i need to do to stick to you like glue."
- Nice =] but I think it would LOOK better if you put it:
"Then, tell me
What do I need to do
To stick to you like glue?"
If this had a little more time spent on it, this could be awesome!
4/5
~FountainsOfBlood
