Through out my life I have always been someone I'm not. I have always faked a laugh, a smile; I have lied and hurt people. I do stupid, painful things to myself, I cover up my feelings, I make out like nothing is wrong making everything seem normal and fine
Its not OK nothing in my life is OK
Every part of me is messed up and I don't know what to do anymore. I cry myself to sleep at nights, I can't stop thinking, I can't sleep, I have a horrible past and that is now coming to haunt me again
My past is a hard, emotional page in a big black book; it's full of tears, hurt, emotions, pain, tragedies and scars.
I can't go anywhere without me looking at myself and hating myself for doing the stupid things I do to myself. I hurt so much on the inside and I don't have anyone to help take that pain away.
I don't have anyone that understands what I'm going through, I don't have anyone to help hold my hand through this, I don't have anyone to hold me and tell me that everything is going to be alright, I don't have anyone to wipe away my tears, fears, pain anything, I don't have anyone to make me feel safe.
I have been trying to tell people what is going through my mind, what I'm going through and what I have gone through but it's all so emotional, I struggle to get the right words out.
I feel so alone, so empty so hurt and speechless, I don't know what to say to anyone I just don't know how to tell them my thoughts.
I want them to know everything about me but I don't know how they will react and what they will think of me if I tell them what I have gone through.
Right now I find it hard to tell anything to anyone, it just hurts and that's why I did what I did, I was stupid I know but I just had to do something to release the pain, I'M SORRY
