This Thin Knife

You turn your gaze upon the darkest door,
And I wonder why it never seems to shut.
You bid me look inside; I saw the Demon's core.
I turn away

And stumble on into the Darkest Night
And feel a pain and ecstacy so great
That all I've felt before seems light
Compared to this great burden full of Hate.

Your Name upon my mind, it seems to cut
Into my skull, your laughter, so insane.
I start to lose my fragile train of thought.
Emotions mix; I flounder in and out of consciousness

I can't remember who you are, your Name,
It's all a mystery to me; But all I seem to find
Through all my Faith and Prayer is Pain and Doubt.
I cry and feel such thoughts go through my mind.

I hate myself as I cry "Woe is me!"
For pity is a self-corrupting tool.
I scream my rage at this philosophy,
A living oxymoron and a fool.

I'm caught inside the Nexus. Ah! And now I see!
It spreads before my disbelieving eyes:
The culmination of Reality
And all its fools, its loves, its hates, its lies.

Awareness comes; but with it all I feel
Is all I've ever known was never real.
I finally return to this thin knife,
And ask myself if this is really Life.