Comments : Memories...

  • 16 years ago

    by Hear You Me

    I love the choppiness, if you know what i mean.. the way it stops and starts (in a flowing way) adds to the effect of the poem

  • 16 years ago

    by Lu

    Rumaging through the memories
    of those bygone days...
    I fumbled across the smiles
    that were brought my way...
    ^^^
    You have painted quite clear imagery within your lines here without totally revealing your action. Excellent! I get an image of someone sorting through old pictures.
    One little error .... rumaging = rummaging

    Along the journey
    on which turn...
    did I lost the dreams
    I made once...
    ^^^
    3rd line ---- > did I lose the dreams

    Alienated.... an aching Heart
    Broken .... teared apart
    ^^^
    I love these lines but perhaps you would rather ....
    Broken .... torn apart

    Silently,
    My soul cries...
    As I rummage through the memories
    of the years gone by...
    ^^^
    Very sad, touching ending. You have expressed the ache in the heart we get when looking through past memories.

    Except for a few minor errors I really enjoyed this read. It expressed such deep sadness.
    Well done
    Luanne

  • 16 years ago

    by Cara

    I like it :)
    its realli good.
    comment mine?
    xx