It's knowing [christianity/lesbianism]

It goes far beyond just being afraid of going to hell, it's knowing every damn day when you wake up the lord is looking down upon you with disappointment,
It's knowing that the one you love more than anything in this world, has stated three times, that you deserve to die,
It's knowing that you made a promise when you became a Christian, that you would give up anything, and everything for the lord, and you meant it, but just can't seem to do that this time.
It's being so ashamed that your only wish now is to die.