I loved truly

I tried to hide before that i love him.

i denied that i wanted to be with him.

i pretended like as if he's nothing to me.

were best of friends and that what exactly hinders me.

i became so patient with him.

i listened on his stories about life and love.

i eagerly waited for him to notice my feelings and i guess

he did. He just pretended he didn't care.

i loved him truly.

until everybody can see how i loved him deeply.

his name are my words.

Its him i always wanted to talk about.

its him whom i always wanted to spend the day with.

its also him i dream every night.

until one day i cannot hide it anymore.

my feelings... i burst it out!

i have decided that its about time to free myself.

even though i know that he has girl with her.

maybe he felt that it'll be awkward for me to be rejected,

thats why he accepted my love...

we put our relationship in secret.

I'm aware that he don't love me.

but still it was a fantasy for me to live in.

i feared that one day he might be leaving.

I'm afraid that he has to go.

I'm worried that he might run from our relationship

because its not really me whom he really love. =(

but while our secret relationship was still on fire.

i calmed myself...

he kissed me and i returned his kisses.

until we got into something.

i gave him my everything.

it did not happened just once.

i don't regretted it i might say...

because i thought in that way i can win his heart.

but i never did...

he asked for his freedom to go...

i had nothing to say but "go"

he followed a line saying "this time i want to get serious"

i just bowed down and cry =..( asking myself silently

"why? are these

things not serious?"

i walked home alone...

crying is all i can do.

i cannot managed anymore to care what others might be thinking.

all i know is that i wanted to cry... and cry..

it was indeed painful for me to bear.

it was so many sleepless night.

yet still the hurt and the pain was battling inside.

i traded my world for him.

i traded my family.

i traded my responsibilities.

above all else i traded my 'faith' for him...

i struggled inside the fear that no one could accept me anymore.

I'm afraid what others might say .

I'm ashamed what my Father in heaven is thinking about me right now.

I'm not waiting for him anymore.

don't get me wrong, I'm not mad at him.

because to be honest i still love him.

he is 'first love'...

my first kiss...

if ever destiny would mind him to let him read this letter,

i would gladly take the risk... its my extreme pleasure.

because lately i realized this fact...that...

i don't need to drowned myself from crying cause its already said and

done. i don't need to fear if there would still somebody for me

because love will come to me at the least point that I'm expecting

it.i don't have to feel ashamed that i have given him my everything...

the truth?... it doesn't really matter at all...it doesn't matter who

came first what matters is who will arrive to be the last.

i will just wait for the right time and the right person .

the person that who is willing to forget my past and swallow my his

pride for me the woman he love.

is love unfair??i didn't know...

all i know is that others are made to love and be loved while others

are meant to be alone...

and this i know for sure - for someone like me who loves truly

deserves to be loved deeply.=)